Blogging because I need to

I decided to start a blog and not really tell people about it. Mainly because I need to. I've always loved to just write and get it all out on paper. Makes me feel better. At least sometimes :)

I'm a 25 year old girl who grew up a pastor's daughter, moved away from my hometown and now live in Kansas city with a bunch of people in a big house, which I happen to love (most of the time). I have a job, which I happen to love (most of the time). Mainly the people I work with. They are real, raw and honest. Sometimes REALLY honest. I love Jesus as much as I am able to and am learning to keep giving things up, letting things go and not live out of my needs, wants, demands, compulsions, etc. It's easier to just give in and THAT I am currently learning as well. But the after affects of giving in are never worth it. Yet sometimes we still do it. I think there's something about getting to the end of yourself. Living in the reality of the emptiness giving in brings that finally does the trick. And that's where I'm at. And that's why I'm blogging. I'm at the end of myself. I've felt the emptiness that giving in brings. I remember when I was 17 and I gave in a lot. I never thought that I would 're-live' those years but I did at 25 years of age. After 6 years of loving Jesus and going for it. I think that's part of what saved me this time around. My 're-living' of those years was thankfully short lived. I think in some ways I am starting over as well as starting for the first time. And I don't even know what that fully means! But here I go....