Loneliness

Today, I am aware of that empty, lonely feeling. It's been a huge part of my struggle the last several months. It's been the feeling that has driven my actions many times. It's a universal struggle and most people will do anything to avoid feeling it. I haven't been that bad (meaning I haven't been willing to do anything and everything) but I have managed to make some pretty screwy choices. I think it's a feeling that drives so many of our compulsions. The high of drugs, the drunkenness of alcohol, sex. I'm not entirely certain what you do with the feeling myself. Embrace it for what it is? Trust Jesus to meet you there and watch it fade? I'm not sure though that it ever fully goes away. Maybe it's not meant to be this horribly awful thing. Because I guess while it drives you to act in ways that lead you to further emptiness and loneliness, it can eventually drive you to something life-giving as well. So maybe in a weird way, right now it should become my friend rather than my enemy. Something I embrace feeling rather than avoid. Avoidance has gotten me nowhere at this point. So here's to embracing something most people, including myself, fear. I have no clue what will happen but I guess we'll see.