Working for me and not against me

I've had an interesting week. Struggling to let go of something (in this case someone) that has been willing to give me what I've only 'thought' I wanted. The other night I was reading this book called 'Angry Conversations With God' and started addressing the anger I was feeling MYSELF over thinking it was somehow God's fault that I couldn't have what I wanted and then I suddenly realized He ALWAYS leaves it up to me. It was and is my choice. As I heard myself ask the 'Why?' question I heard Him say, "I never, ever withhold what is GOOD Ashley. In whatever form it comes in, hard or easy. It's My protection not to always give you what you think you want or tell you that it's ok to have it." It's not as if He's currently trying to deprive me of something. I think He's actually trying to GIVE me something if I will let go of my way of getting it and choose His way of giving it. It's funny how we go into blame mode. He will always grant us the freedom of choice. My struggle has been with my own heart and not wanting to do what is right or give up what I want. It's not been because He won't allow it. He simply lays out the better option before us and leaves us to the decision. Friday morning during our house prayer time we were reading out of 2 Corinthians 4 where it talks about our light affliction working something in us. This current struggle is my 'momentary light affliction' that I've not wanted to fully embrace up until this point. I've wanted to take what is seen and right in front of me rather than surrender, wait and trust what He will give, which is far more real and satisfying anyways. We were talking about perspective, which was funny because just last week Jesus asked me if He could give me new eyes with which to view my current circumstance/situation. My light affliction is not my enemy. It isn't working against me. It's actually working for me. This person that I haven't wanted to let go of is actually a gift. This struggle is a test of my character and has exposed all sorts of nastiness in my heart. And Jesus, I need grace to keep letting go.