Authentic Love

I have come into this incredible new place and it feels amazing. I'm forever being changed, exposed, renewed, etc. but it's for the purpose of breaking into something new and fresh and freeing. I love that. And that has happened for me recently. In my darkest moments, Jesus was there. And the thing that gets me the most is that He was KIND!!!!!! And He was PATIENT!!!!! And He LOVED me!!!!! Like no one else could, would, did or would ever really want to. Had He not been those things and I had not experienced that place in Him, I'm not sure what would have happened. But the things is, that's who He is. That's how He is. That's how He responds. That's how He wins the heart. It's His kindness that draws. It's His love that wins. His love that is full of sacrifice. On the other side of this, I'm processing something that is hard for me and I feel myself getting fearful and slightly edgy and this morning He spoke to my heart and said, "You are not bound by expectations or demands. I'm not demanding you be somewhere that you're not." His kind of love frees the soul. From performance, from expectation, from control, from fear. I love His love. I don't think we live in it or out of it the way we should. It's part of our sin nature to love with love that is full of demand and self. And He meets and wins the heart with a love that is completely opposite from ours. And then He teaches us to live IN it and love others OUT of it. Because it doesn't end with me. So my prayer for myself and the the others around me is that we would live in the most authentic, freeing kind of love there is. His. And love with THAT kind of love and watch what happens.

A better way

Last night I was cooking dinner and asking Jesus different things. In light of these last 5 months one of my main questions has been, "Why didn't you just make it to where people did whatever they want when they want it because it seems we do that anyways." His response was, "So you could experience love in its truest, highest form. My way is life." Because loving someone, loving Jesus is about the sacrifice of self. The sacrifice of wants, of brokenness, of anger and demand. We have an entire culture that is built on doing what we want, when we want and many times at the expense of someone else. I have been the queen of that recently. Out of my own anger, my own 'give me what I want, when I want it' heart. And all of the decisions I have made out of that place have been at the expense of someone else. Whether it was a guy I really didn't like, I simply used toward my own benefit. The people I live with who prayed, cared and loved. And most of all, at the expense of Jesus who gave everything so that I might choose a different and better way. It's scary how dark my heart can be. It's scary how low I can go. It's scary how selfishly motivated I am and I have justified it all because of my own 'hurt and pain'. And here is Jesus whose entire Kingdom is set-up completely opposite from ours. It's about making choices and decisions at the benefit of the other. As He did. And the motivation of His heart was love and a desire for something better and greater....for someone else. For me. For you.